Warning Danger: Swimsuit….

by Alix

As I mentioned last week, referring to the Easter holidays in Miami, Spring is here, I mean maybe for you because here it’s summer all year round …

This is why Colleen just concocted a nice bronzer guide to avoid damaging your skin’s solar limit – see here. For me it’s been years that the said famous limit has been surpassed , and thank you for my new best friends…wrinkles!

But back to my topic of the day: THE SWIMSUIT…

Who says Summer, says shopping for and trying on the bathing suit of the year! Horror…. An obstacle course … You must be pretty motivated to go through this, it’s worse than a marathon!

First it’s exhilarating, you feel so enticed by gorgeous and misleading (aka Photoshopped…) pictures from magazines where models make us salivate (not that word, where is my chocolate bunny? it’s Easter isn’t it!). So I said beautiful photos where models look superb and healthy in their top tanned skin, in shape and proud to show off a pokey little bathing suit, because yes, the swimsuit must be sexy and reveal a maximum of alluring curves… You, poor naive reader who is racing for nothing, you say: “too pretty, I picture it on myself, I’ve got to have it! Oh poor and miserable lady you are!

Here is a tiny fitting room where you peel off the 14 layers against the cold that made ​​a small resurgence this morning … So you undress somehow and there, horror and damnation! This is obviously a magnifying glass! It can’t be you with this whitish skin like a model from Hampton bay or even Kolher if you prefer! These wide hips – of course after 3 deliveries can you even mention alluring curves! And not to mention your last waxing… last month! So, as you really want this bathing suit, you give it a chance and you smile at your reflection despite the light of this cursed cabin coming from above , resulting in a light that brings out the mess:

– cellulite OMG! I’ll start yoga tomorrow…

– too cute blue veins that remind you of good memories – notice I didn’t say varicose veins…

– diaphanous skin or more whitish that could make even Dracula salivate because of lack of fresh flesh.

Long story short A Disaster this fitting, the swimsuit shows bulges where you didn’t know you had them, the color is just sh … Of course you’re desperate! Goodbye beautiful images that your brain had nearly printed on your retina, bonjour tristesse and sweet revenge!

So I offer you a softer approach:

Shop online  … Treat yourself, wait quietly at home for your little gift. Try this wonderful little thing that looks like a swimsuit in front of your loving mirror that you gaze into every day… Your self confidence will rate at the top and suddenly you’ll forget this chocolate bunny hidden under your panties …

On my side I stopped self-sadism long ago and having gained a few pounds, I’m not sure I would undergo this intolerable ordeal. I may stay quiet in my little comfort of last year’s swimsuit … And you?!

Translation & Editing by Camille Boucard